What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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