i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
