i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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