I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
another moral hangover. fuck.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
we're so committed to being not committed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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