Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
