If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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