Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize