Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
