im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
