i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
