At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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