I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
