hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
