if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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