My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish you could order shots online.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
