Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
