your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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