We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
