She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
