All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The air was thick with penises
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize