Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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