Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
