I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
