we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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