No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
