brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
