There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hippo gnu deer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
