I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
