I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
