There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
