he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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