you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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