Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's like heaven, but drunker
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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