he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
