And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
FUCK WHALES
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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