is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
