so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
