she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
