You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
