Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
