laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
