Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
