We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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