Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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