If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Four minutes until I can fart!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
