I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
