I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
