today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
