as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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