Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
