At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
