a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
