He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
