Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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