I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
