And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
