So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
