The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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