I met the friendliest cop last night
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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